A walk by the school

Today I was walking along a path that goes behind the houses and backs up to greenery and trees. It is very quiet and you are ususally the only one out there. Very serene. I contemplate alot about things and it ususally leaves me in a meloncholy mood. Not a bad thing, just peaceful. While on this walk, I pass by the school. I usually look to see if my kids are out there- to get a view of life without knowing mom is looking. I spot Devin on the swings. There are a bunch of girls next to him and then I realize, he is alone. Not swinging high. Just dragging his feet and he glides back and forth. I try and make sure that it is truely Devin. It is. As a mother, so many things are going through my head. Why is he alone? there are so many kids on the playground. Is this his choice? Sometimes when I ask him what he did at recess and what he played, he says, "nothing, I didn't play with anyone". I really never believed him. He is so outgoing. So at this moment, I was looking at him and trying to figure out what he is thinking. Is he happy swinging there? What are his wishes? If I could have sat down and watched through the recess, I would have. I would watch the day unfold, wonder about his thoughts. As I walked on, I tried to think of ways that I could be a better mom, to give him all that he needs to tackle this world. Do I have the right gifts for him? What do I teach him, encourage him? I love that little boy so much, and I can see beyond his childhood and the characteristics he has, will no doubt in my mind, will bring about greatness. So I was grateful I had a chance today to see this. Not to feel sad, but to realize who I have been entrusted with. My sweet boy, Devin