A walk by the school

Today I was walking along a path that goes behind the houses and backs up to greenery and trees. It is very quiet and you are ususally the only one out there. Very serene. I contemplate alot about things and it ususally leaves me in a meloncholy mood. Not a bad thing, just peaceful. While on this walk, I pass by the school. I usually look to see if my kids are out there- to get a view of life without knowing mom is looking. I spot Devin on the swings. There are a bunch of girls next to him and then I realize, he is alone. Not swinging high. Just dragging his feet and he glides back and forth. I try and make sure that it is truely Devin. It is. As a mother, so many things are going through my head. Why is he alone? there are so many kids on the playground. Is this his choice? Sometimes when I ask him what he did at recess and what he played, he says, "nothing, I didn't play with anyone". I really never believed him. He is so outgoing. So at this moment, I was looking at him and trying to figure out what he is thinking. Is he happy swinging there? What are his wishes? If I could have sat down and watched through the recess, I would have. I would watch the day unfold, wonder about his thoughts. As I walked on, I tried to think of ways that I could be a better mom, to give him all that he needs to tackle this world. Do I have the right gifts for him? What do I teach him, encourage him? I love that little boy so much, and I can see beyond his childhood and the characteristics he has, will no doubt in my mind, will bring about greatness. So I was grateful I had a chance today to see this. Not to feel sad, but to realize who I have been entrusted with. My sweet boy, Devin

Braeden

Quote of the day:

On the way to school, Braeden was driving like a mad man on the sidewalk, nearly crashing every time. This was done of course on purpose. I said Braeden, what are you doing? "Mom, I have to live like this so I have some stories to tell my kids!"
Braeden played a soccer game tonight and I couldn't be more proud. He was the star of the game, scoring 5 goals. The other team asked if he would change sides and play with them. He was a good sport and decided to. I had friends come up and were watching him. They were amazed at his abilities. Yes, that's my boy. What a dude, If you could see my smile now :-)

Ramblings of a Mother

Today was bring a flower to your teacher day at school. I fashioned a bundle for each kid and stamped a card for them. Braeden was excited to bring his to school. I love this age, when doing little things like this are exciting. Since we were carrying flowers, we walked to school instead of riding bikes. I like these days because I can spend time talking to Braeden and stopping to pick up bugs or cool looking leaves. Today, Devin also walked. But since he is a fourth grader and old enough to walk without his mom, he went ahead. As we were walking, we could see him in the distance. His friend was no longer with him and he was happily walking alone. (For the record, the flowers I gave him littered the sidewalk. I wonder what was left to give his teacher.) Braeden saw his opportunity to walk with his big brother and ran to catch up. He yelled Devins name over and over. He never caught up. As this was happening my heart was breaking. I knew he could hear Braeden, I also knew what Devin was thinking. Devin loves his brother but walking with a kindergartener was "not 4th grade". I could see Braedens little backpack jumping up and down as he ran to get his brother, he is so little, so vulnerable. He never did catch up and secretly I was grateful. Braeden thought he could not hear him. I was glad that he did not get his feelings hurt. When did the gap get so wide? I know that after school today they will play together like usual and the divide will close, but for a moment this morning, my heart broke a little.